I am reminded...

So I know I kinda fell off the face of the Earth... Life has been filled with lots of busyness... Most of it very positive... Cause you know... The whole teaching 2nd grade thing is amazing!  I have loved every minute of it and am dreading that the end is near.

In my absence from blogging there have been many reminders...

Reminders of why I have huge amounts of student loans- I LOVE teaching!

Reminders of why I love my husband- lots of laughs, snuggles and great times.

Reminders that I have the best friends- friends who rallied by my side to make sure I knew I was loved when I was deeply hurt by others...

Reminders that God answers prayers!  "Small prayers" have been answered when I needed it most.  

As we enter Easter weekend, I am reminded of something greater.  God's amazing LOVE.  A love so intense that he was willing to send his Son to die for you and me.  That's what Easter is all about.  We are celebrating the death of Jesus... Followed by his resurrection.  The conquering of sin.  The ultimate act of love.  

The whole Easter story has always seemed amazing to me.  But now it has so much more meaning... I now know what it's like to watch your son die... How hard it is... The hurt, pain, and torture you experience as the child you love so deeply slips away and there is nothing you can do.

Poor Mary... First she experienced the ridicule of being unwed and pregnant... And then 30ish years later she had to watch him die... For no fault of his own... And she could do nothing to save him...  I have a new appreciation for this amazing women.

And God... What an act of LOVE for us.  To send his son knowing he would be punished as an innocent man and sentenced to death... A death that would cover the fact that man chooses sin... 

I know the pain I've experienced.  I would not wish it upon my worst enemy... And yet God willingly took on that burden so that we- people like you and me- can know God's forgiveness.  That is Amazing Grace!  

God loves us so much that he sent his son to die as payment for our sins... Not just for the best of us... But for ALL of us!  It's kinda crazy amazing to think about- that I am loved... We are loved... YOU are loved that much!  

If you are looking for a place to hear about that Love... Your local church is a great place to start... Or check out LCBC Churchfor times/locations for their Easter gatherings.

Gifts from above

If you've known me for any length of time I'm sure you've learned that I love to laugh and have a good time.  I'm guilty of using laughter as a defense mechanism and sometimes that causes me to come across as rude or semi-inappropriate... You know when you're out to dinner and someone says, "can I have..."  I respond "no!"

Life is better when you are having a good, fun time.

It's also no secret that the past year has been lacking in the "fun time category". Infact, I think it's fair to say the past year has far exceeded several years worth of "bawl your eyes out" moments.  

As we approached the holidays I felt like I was doing ok- holding my own... And then one day... It hit me.  I couldn't find my Christmas spirit and I started to fall back into "the fog" of grief.

I got myself together enough to do my shopping- and tried to cram as much as possible into one day.  

I saw a picture my friend Country Mouse posted on Instagram of her boys having a nerf battle and it got me thinking- I wanted to see Matt do that with our son... Only it would never happen.  With that picture in mind I made a random "on a whim" purchase at target as I rushed to finish shopping.  

Fast forward (through some rough days) to my day of wrapping- I wrapped that on a whim purchase and left it tag-less- the gift needed the perfect tag... So I thought and thought... On Christmas Eve it hit me... I ran my idea past a friend (to make sure I wasn't off my rocker) and got the thumbs up from her... So I created the tag. (Please forgive the lack of photos- I was too busy enjoying the moments that followed)

A stack of 4 identical packages were tied together and labeled with one tag:

To: Gramps, Dad, Uncle Caleb and Uncle Ryan

From: TJ

Heaven is a blast!  Have some fun!

Later that night I arrived at my parents for our annual family Christmas.  (Matt was serving at LCBC and would join us after the Christmas Eve gatherings.). I carefully added my gifts to the pile under the tree and joined my family for quality time together.  We talked, ate and then gathered around the tree to read some of the real Christmas story and begin exchanging gifts.  The pile of packages stayed in place until Matt joined us... My dad picked it up and with uncertainty asked if it was okay to open this gift.  He read the tag aloud and then handed each of the boys one carefully wrapped parcel.  

Together they tore into the wrapping paper to reveal a nerf gun.  The race was on to see who could free their gun and ammo from the package first.  Mom provided the blow by blow commentary and quickly all 4 boys were armed and firing across the room.  No one (not even the guest of the evening) was safe from the attack.  

When the initial battle was over and ammo had been collected we continued on with our Christmas traditions... Now laced with random nerf arrows flying across the room.  

It was just what I had envisioned... Fun-filled laughing... A true gift from my angel who I'm missing this holiday season.  

The evening came to a close... The ammo was all accounted for- although at least one piece is safely resting out of harms way until the tree comes down- and we gathered our things to return home.   The nerf guns all stayed at mom and dad's for future battles... Future gifts of laughter... For tonight they served their purpose as they brought fun and laughter that Matt and I so very much needed.

Merry Christmas!!!