Not so first day of school

After almost 3 years of hibernating, I’m back and there is MUCH to catch up on- another day... for now this angel mama is just sharing her heart in the moment.
Today I headed into school for my “not so first” day of school.  13 years of grade school, 5.5 years of college, and 3 years as the teacher leave me no stranger to ALL the nerves of the first day of school.
Only this year is incredibly different... this should have been my year to be THAT parent.  You know- proudly posting all the photos of your perfectly dressed kindergarten student ready to begin a bold new adventure.  But I’m not. And no one accurately prepared me for the FLOOD OF EMOTIONS that would arrive as this day approached.
I was so caught off guard- it just kind of snuck up that the day is here.  And I had nothing!
In the past, I’ve done things to set myself up for success on days that I know might be hard.  We did a trip to Hershey Park on TJ’s due date...  A trip to the zoo, balloons, or cake on an angelversary... Gifts from our angel that first Christmas and an ornament on the tree each year... I try to have something to put some happy when I know my heart will especially be hurting.
And. I. Failed. To put some happy in place for the first day of school.
Last night I went to bed in tears.  My baby should be “all grown up”, there will be no pictures- just like all the other missing pictures from these past 5 years- and to top it off I did nothing to prepare.
Life has been busy- TJ’s very busy sister has kept me on my toes.  I am setting up a classroom for the short-term subbing job I’m currently working. Matt is working extra hard to support our family since I have become a stay at home mom (minus that 3 week position)...
In those tears- crying to God to comfort my hurting heart- I started searching, praying for SOMETHING... cue the frantic search- googling for verses, randomly clicking in the Bible app and praying for a verse to speak to me... nothing was fitting what my heart needed but I got myself under control and resorted to setting the alarm and attempting sleep.
Just when I gave up- God stepped in.  I remembered an email for an early morning prayer meeting and also an article I had shared on Facebook a few days prior... with a plan, I drifted off to sleep as I prayed for strength to make it through the day.
The alarm clock rudely woke me a little earlier than normal so I could head to the meeting.  The toddler was full of extra snuggles as we loaded into the car and set out for our day. A quick stop at the babysitter, and then I headed to school.  Looking for a pick me up, I switched to the local Christian Radio station and heard words that have soothed my heart time and time again:

I squeezed into a circle of teachers who had gathered to pray for the school year- the students, the staff, the parents.  Before we headed back to our classrooms to kick the new year, I shared that article with the group.  1 Corinthians 13 for teachers  A new twist on some of my favorite verses and a refreshing reminder minutes before the bell rang.
Then they arrived- and the day got busy.  For a brief moment I shared my heavy heart with a friend- shed a few tears and appreciated the hug she offered as we rushed to the next task.
And God showed up!  In a room of 400ish 7th graders, I saw faces of students from a long term sub job years ago, and then there was L.  L is the son of a teacher friend.  (We taught across the hall from each other and kept each other sane when elementary school had it's moments.)  I took a seat next to him and snapped a selfie to share with his mom.  Not quite the 1st day of Kindergarten picture I was missing, but a moment captured with a genuine smile.

The day was busy.  I didn't have time to think about what was missing.  Until 5th period.  We had some extra time and played a getting to know you game.  When asked how many siblings you have, one student expressed confusing because he had a brother who had died.  Immediately those around him came to the consensus that this student needed to count his brother because "he still lives in your heart"- words of a 7th grade boy.  Even in all the 7th grade awkwardness- wow.  A few questions later, I had a the opportunity to speak privately with the student and express my condolences for the loss of his brother.  And again God showed up.  This student shared that he never knew his brother because he died when he was born, and he shrugged.  I reinforced what the classmate had said earlier, that he's still a brother and I was sorry for his loss.  This student continued to share with me that this brother was named Tyler.

Hold. The. Phone.  Yeah.  And just like that, the heartache was replaced with some warm fuzzy...

Thank you God for that sweet moment.

The rest of the day was just busy.  Nothing remarkable just a busy first day of school.

God knew I what I needed even when I hadn't prepared for it.  Friendly faces, busy doing what I love, and just enough reminders that my angel was all ready for his first day of school!

Awful Arthur

This is only a month and a half late… What you are about to read was typed in the car… I delayed posting as we recovered from the ride and celebrated the 4th…and then delayed some more just for good measure…
 So here you have it… Thoughts from our OBX vacation that ended early thanks to Hurricane Arthur.

It's 1:30 am Wednesday night/Thursday morning... I'm sitting in the passenger seat of a very loaded down Jeep... In tears as my week long vacation is ending 3 days early... 

Hatteras Island faces a mandatory evacuation 5am Thursday... Ummm- I LOVE OBX but I have a strong dislike for lots of traffic AND for being forced to take the long way... Matt's dislike for those things is even more intense than mine... And so we packed and left...

And like any 31 year old- I cried... 

This was an AWESOME vacation... Some very much needed reconnection time with the man I love... The calm before we begin our fertility treatment journey... 

The OBX has always been our place- it was our first real vacation together and a place we have visited every year... Where we went on our honeymoon, and where we went after we lost TJ... It's just been out retreat from life- we love the slow pace, lack of "busy" things to do, and daily trips to the beach or sound... Not to mention its DOG FRIENDLY- Dutchess used to vacation with us!  

This year was Clara's first trip... This year should have been TJ's first trip… 

I was so busy enjoying the trip that my photos are limited… but here are a few...

We had fun taking Clara to bounce at the ocean!

We listened to Sundays message from LCBC while sitting on the beach (2 votes from the Dietrich's for a LCBC-OBX campus!)

We made a sand castle for TJ.

 

We rode wave runners! (Checked one off the bucket list!)

We spent hours floating over waves and sitting under the umbrella... Just relaxing- loving life!

We hit up our "must" stops- Howard's Pub & the Slushie Stand on Ocracoke (yay ferry ride), Top Dog, Village Conery (Clara walked there with us and had her first soft serve ice cream experience), and our last meal was crabs from Austin's South Island Seafood.  It was good eating!  

We broke in our new kicks.

OBX 2014 was all lined up to be an amazing vacation.

Until it was time to leave... Suddenly my heart felt heavy- like I was leaving without a goodbye- only what adult needs to say goodbye to the beach?!?  

Then I remembered I had wanted to write in the sand... 

All week my heart had been full, peaceful as I soaked up the beauty of God's creation. And then as I faced leaving it I felt a separation coming... 

I recognized that heavy heart- it had been hiding for a while... Always there but kindly keeping to its self UNTIL NOW- 7pm as we pack to evacuate and end our vacay.  Hello the heart if a grieving mother... There is not a moment that I don't miss my sweet angel, but this was intense!

I woke Matt from his nap, leashed up Clara and headed to the beach...  This needed to happen

But first we found TJs sandcastle, in decent shape considering we had built it 10 hours prior.

It was perfect to see- but started the waterworks.  We sat in the sand and talked about missing our boy... About how the beach seems to calm our hurting hearts... About how we weren't ready to leave- but were actually excited to have a nice house to go home to…

It was just a rough night... Even now- my heart has me wanting to just sob... The ugly cry- the cry from deep down that you save for the biggest of hurt... 

The beach should have been so different... Life should be so different... Most days I do ok with the fact that it's not... Today wasn't one of those days... 

Maybe tomorrow will be better... 

And if you are reading this- it means we have arrived safely home and are hopefully sound asleep.

I am reminded...

So I know I kinda fell off the face of the Earth... Life has been filled with lots of busyness... Most of it very positive... Cause you know... The whole teaching 2nd grade thing is amazing!  I have loved every minute of it and am dreading that the end is near.

In my absence from blogging there have been many reminders...

Reminders of why I have huge amounts of student loans- I LOVE teaching!

Reminders of why I love my husband- lots of laughs, snuggles and great times.

Reminders that I have the best friends- friends who rallied by my side to make sure I knew I was loved when I was deeply hurt by others...

Reminders that God answers prayers!  "Small prayers" have been answered when I needed it most.  

As we enter Easter weekend, I am reminded of something greater.  God's amazing LOVE.  A love so intense that he was willing to send his Son to die for you and me.  That's what Easter is all about.  We are celebrating the death of Jesus... Followed by his resurrection.  The conquering of sin.  The ultimate act of love.  

The whole Easter story has always seemed amazing to me.  But now it has so much more meaning... I now know what it's like to watch your son die... How hard it is... The hurt, pain, and torture you experience as the child you love so deeply slips away and there is nothing you can do.

Poor Mary... First she experienced the ridicule of being unwed and pregnant... And then 30ish years later she had to watch him die... For no fault of his own... And she could do nothing to save him...  I have a new appreciation for this amazing women.

And God... What an act of LOVE for us.  To send his son knowing he would be punished as an innocent man and sentenced to death... A death that would cover the fact that man chooses sin... 

I know the pain I've experienced.  I would not wish it upon my worst enemy... And yet God willingly took on that burden so that we- people like you and me- can know God's forgiveness.  That is Amazing Grace!  

God loves us so much that he sent his son to die as payment for our sins... Not just for the best of us... But for ALL of us!  It's kinda crazy amazing to think about- that I am loved... We are loved... YOU are loved that much!  

If you are looking for a place to hear about that Love... Your local church is a great place to start... Or check out LCBC Churchfor times/locations for their Easter gatherings.

Avalanche

 This time 2 weeks ago I was preparing for Avalanche.  I was super excited for a weekend with my Jcrew girls.  Never in a million years could I have prepared for just how awesome the weekend could be.
There was plenty of snow on the ground as I loaded my car and headed to LCBC for the fun to begin.  I had a TON of stuff  because I was prepared for playing in snow and staying warm which included sleeping in a "cabin".  That stuff takes up lots of space!  Plus, I may have gone a little over board with food for my cabin.  What can I say… I was excited and was using my experience of less than stellar camp food to guide the amount of food to take.  Everyone arrived, we loaded the bus and were off.
2 hours on a bus lead to some interesting conversations… including one that offered guidance to the girls for their future.  Can I just say that the student ministries pastor at LCBC York gave some great advice to the kids about determining their future.  I wish I had had someone to provide the same perspective to me at their age.  Pretty much he said to find something you enjoy doing and pursue it.  Don't worry if it means not taking the "traditional" college route- just make smart decisions/don't be a bum.  And if college is your chosen path- check out options so that you don't come out with mounds of debt.  He was loving the kids for who they are/want to be and not for what society says they need to be.

When we arrived at Northbay (the place we were staying) we unpacked and headed to dinner.  All the girls crammed at one table and we had some of the best dinner conversation fueled by excitement for the weekend.  Dinner finished and the weekend kicked into full gear.
Friday night included a teaching session and free time.  After lights out the girls giggled and eventually nodded off to sleep.  I finally understand what parents mean when they say they never sleep the same!  I woke up in the middle of the night to a "sleep talker" who then turned into a "sleep walker."  I wish I had thought to grab my phone and record it because it was priceless!

Saturday was our crazy busy day.  Leaders started WAY TOO EARLY with a leader meeting. (Remember I do not like mornings!)  By the time breakfast rolled around I finally started to appreciate the day.  Our post breakfast activity was a photo scavenger hunt.

We made a human pyramid with some other girls.  Played leap frog in the snow. Squeezed a speed round of duck, duck, goose in inside our cabin.  Danced to LCBC Style at the bay.  Made a mini snowman.  And so much more.  Sadly, the guys from York beat us.  

We had some more teaching and then an afternoon of free time.  (This is where all my cold gear was useful.)  I piled on the layers, shared some of my extra gloves and such with some not as prepared girls, and headed out for an afternoon in the snow- aka crossing things off the bucket list. 

I went zip lining. (There is photographic evidence but the quality isn't super.)

Then the wait began for the 3 person swing.  This thing is like a ride at Hershey Park mixed with riding the Zip line.  You are harnessed in, wearing helmets… and well- just watch the video.

The person on the end has to "chop" a blue cord to release the swing… I give you the moment after the chop:

We warmed up,  and headed to the most awesome dinner ever!!!  We had pizza by disco ball.  A "DJ" (aka leader) provided us a rockin' good time.  The band got things going on stage by "dancing" to Crank it Like a Chainsaw- complete with "rap solo".  This opened the door for the YMCA, a conga line, Cotton Eyed Joe line dance, Katy Perry and Taylor swift sing along and a bunch of other craziness.  It was inspiring to watch the kids drop their guard as they danced and sang along without a care in the world as to who was watching them.  This was one of those times that you just had to be there to completely grasp how awesome it was!!!

After dinner was a teaching session.  That wrapped up with cabin time followed by a dodgeball game or movie.  Several of my girls decided to participate in the "open" league for dodgeball- aka they were the only co-ed team playing against teams of all boys.  

Another night of talking and giggles- that ended much earlier.  There are no fun stories to tell of sleep walkers.  We got to sleep in and when we got back from the leader meeting- the girls had packed up and cleaned the cabin.  I was impressed!!!  Off to brunch and our last teaching session before heading home.  

Let me dig in to a few things for you.

1- THE FOOD WAS AWESOME!!!  And high school students served us as every meal.  The girls were really impressed that the older kids cared about them enough to give up a weekend to serve them.  

2- Worship time before each teaching session ROCKED.  Jcrew at LCBC York doesn't have a band yet- so it was a new experience to see middle schoolers worship.  They get into it!  My girls were thrilled to sing Manifesto.  And The song of the weekend was The Rock Won't Move.  

Credit for this photo belongs to the LCBC Instagram peeps.

3- The teaching was impressive.  "The Amish Man" taught- He used to be Amish, now he is the student ministries pastor at LCBC Ephrata.  The focus was on reading the bible.  It was presented in the  most down to earth, practical way I've ever heard.  They used a version of the Bible called the message.  It was not a version I had encountered before- but will be purchasing as it is super easy to understand and apply.  I made note of a few things throughout the teaching:

• The Bible is a love letter from God.  If someone wrote you a letter you would read it.  God gave us the Bible as his love letter to us- we need to read it.  You will read what is important to you- if God matters to you- you will find time to read the Bible.  (Amish Man shared that sometimes you will forget and that's ok- just don't always forget.)
• Reading the Bible takes baby steps.  We learned of the process Kevin Durant uses called SOAP: Scripture (read it), Observe (think about what is being said), Apply (how should I use this in my life) and Pray.  Reading the bible is something we tend to over think- if you follow these baby steps it will be easier to understand and apply to your life.  
• Christianity is the only religion that is based on a Relationship first- a relationship with God.  All other religions are based on Rules.  
• The Bible was meant for you!  The Bible gives you hope- knowing you are never alone even if your circumstances don't change.  (I see this as going hand in hand with sometimes God says no. You might be in a situation you wish were different, you can pray that it changes, but even if it doesn't God is still there and still Loves you!

4- My cabin of girls were AMAZING.  The insight they had during our life group time in the cabin was pretty deep.  We didn't have a lot of digging deep, emotional time… but they provided deep thoughts that I couldn't even imagine thinking at their age.  My favorite quote of the weekend came from life group time.  Every imperfection we see is perfection in God's eyes.   Wow- like I said deep.  I know they won't remember this every second of every day- but the fact that they were able to even think this and share was incredible.  

5- I Love that I can be a part of a church that Loves their middle school students!  Too often middle school gets "missed".  There is a great structured program for the younger kids, and high school has lots of fun events, but middle school kinds gets lost in the shuffle.  Instead of allowing them to get lost- they single them out by providing a great experience like this- where they bring in other students to shower them with love and blessings.

6- Our teaching times started off with a crazy game. ALWAYS.  These games involved ball pit balls, donuts on a fishing rod and chocolate milk in a funnel,  whipped cream pies, finding random objects and other ridiculousness.  Just a fun way to get kids excited for some awesome worship and open their hearts for God to work.  

Truth be told now that the weekend is over… I think it's possible that the experience taught me just as much as it did for the girls.  I went with the intention of making some girls feel loved.  Instead they did that for me.  I wanted to do some blessing of others and left more blessed than I could have imagined.  

When we arrived back at LCBC, I had planned on staying for the 4:30 Jcrew session and the 6:15 gathering… yea about that… it didn't happen.  I came home and CRASHED.  (So much so that I also missed the chance to visit Matt at work.)  I was exhausted.  It was an awesome weekend that left me with a full heart.

I can not wait to do it all again at Shock Wave this summer!!!

Here are links to videos LCBC made throughout the weekend- they truly show the extent of a crazy awesome weekend!

Friday Night

Saturday

Sunday

Check out #Lcbcavalanche14 for additional pictures!

P.S. Special shout outs to my awesome neighbor and Lauren for checking in on Clara while Matt worked.  And an extra special thank you to my hubby for funding my trip and encouraging me to follow my heart as I serve with Jcrew.  Not to mention sacrificing a weekend of time together.  

And the bottom drops out...

With all that 2013 has thrown at me... I like to think that most days I'm doin' pretty good- able to laugh, smile and enjoy life as best I can... I try not to dwell on the part of my heart that is missing, on what "should be" or what's wrong with how things are now... Some days it's easier than others... But I'd say I have mostly good days.

In fact, this past weekend- I spent all of Thursday with family... I didn't join the crazies on Friday (in years past I have)... I spent Friday morning with my hubby and fur kid.  Friday afternoon I joined my mom and a bunch of other great ladies for hours of scrapbooking...

 After working on my still-in-progress wedding album for the past 3 years I have shifted gears and am making a book for all things TJ- from the minute we figured out I was possibly pregnant thru 1 month of survival after TJ became an angel...

Of anything I have done- creating his album is one of the most healing things... Second to (ok tied for first) support group.  I love looking at pictures of my sweet boy and remembering how full my heart felt knowing my dream of becoming a mother was finally going to happen.  Sometimes the tears flow- but there is always a smile on my face!  I love that the other "scrapers" will ask questions, want to look at pictures and hear his story... I feel like I fit right in... The other scrapper moms talk about their kids and I get to talk about mine... It's a happy heart time!  Saturday was more of the same followed by an evening with Matt.  Good days for sure.  

Side note: while all this was going on... My mind was slightly distracted... 

**Enter possible TMI** we've been "trying". Lots of calendar watching, ovulation tests, waiting... And unlike PRE-TJ my body seemed to finally get the clue that there is to be some regularity to things... So each month- like clockwork- we are reminded that there's no success... Until this month.

I was late... Testing negative... But that can happen... So we waited... Things started to mimic what happened just before we figured out I was pregnant with TJ (if you really want the details ask- otherwise I'll spare you) and I got my hopes up... Still testing negative but that's okay because I had a few more days until I reached the point where I had a positive test with TJ (mind you I didn't have a clue there was even a chance I was preggo with TJ so I could possibly have tested positive earlier- there is no way to know) so again I waited... 

Waited until Sunday morning...

Woke up.  Took a test. Negative. And I just sat there trying to get myself together, but I couldn't just sit there long cause Matt woke up (like most normal people do when they wake up) and wanted to use my "seat" 

**never again will I have a one potty house**

I returned to bed for some snuggles... And the bottom fell out... 

I was devastated, numb, sad... I just laid there... I wanted to cry but I was beyond tears... The negative combined with EVERYTHING else going on in life was just too much... Breaking point had been reached and I began to fall apart...

I don't remember what happened really… it's all a blur... I know that I couldn't get out of bed for our planned gym trip- not an "I don't want to go" but physically my body wouldn't move.  At some point I sobbed- the ugly, whole body, convulsing cry that you never want anyone to see... I fell asleep... I was useless.  I was in a dark, broken place.  A place I haven't experienced for months... It wasn't just a bad day- it was a horrible day...maybe making up for a lack of bad days... I don't know... But I do know I could do without ever going back there.  

Matt must have been scared- he refused to leave me alone... He finally used my 2 "weaknesses" to get me moving... The dog needed a walk and I needed to get myself together for Jcrew.  

I started to crawl out of the darkness and managed a walk with the fur kid and Matt.  I showered. And we headed to LCBC.  I had managed to find "bad day" status and headed into Jcrew.

Here I'd learn the awesomeness of the love of my LCBC family... The caring, love, prayers that they all showed... It was overwhelming.
We tell our Jcrew kids every week that they are loved. (period). This week that was acted out to me.  Loved even though I was in a dark place, prayed for even though it was a busy day, cared for with hugs, words of encouragement and genuine questions that sought honest answers... It didn't put me into my happy place- but it lifted most of the darkness…
I knew it wouldn't go away instantly or even overnight… in fact I was afraid I'd be stuck in darkness for days… but thanks to Matt and lots of others who love me… it didn't linger long.

I could function on Monday.  I even was able to smile a little when I visited a friend.  

And I scheduled an appointment with the doctor to try to figure out what is going on with my ridiculous body that can't get with the program... Hopefully I'll have some answers in the near future. 

For now... Much to my dismay... There won't be any awesome announcements this Christmas.  

And hopefully the bottom stays in for the remainder of the holiday season!

What Happens in Vegas…

… gets posted on my blog!

You wanna talk about feeling LOVED!?!

After our trip to Punta Cana and then the loss of TJ, Matt and I decided we wanted to try to travel to see as much of the country as possible.  That adventure began with a trip "out west" to visit Rocky Mountain National Park in Colorado, Devil's Tower in Wyoming, and the Minute Man Missile Silo, Wall Drug, the Badlands, Mt. Rushmore and Custer State Park in South Dakota.  It was a great week!!!

We'd mentioned on more than one occasion that we could fly to Las Vegas for cheap and see some more sights in that area… but no plans were ever made…

Our bumpy ride of 2013 continued when Dutchess reached her last days and we found ourselves without a canine companion to consider which allowed a DC getaway to happen.  We came home from that weekend without a dog and headed into the week.

I had a 2 day sub job lined up for Monday and Tuesday… Monday was a great day of teaching Math and Social Studies.  I left school excited to come back to the same classroom the next day.  I called Matt on my way home (he was working night work) and he asked me a few questions about things on the schedule later in the week and then informed me that I needed to pack a bag for 2 nights in a destination that was someplace sunny and 75.    

WOAH.  

Stuff like that never happens to me.  

Spontaneous getaways… hubby taking charge of travel plans… (ok in his defense he does normally book the beach house that we find together- but I planned both the Punta Cana and out west trips.) I did my best to pack- what do you pack when you don't know where you are going?!?  

Tuesday morning I headed to school and freaked out made sure Matt had all my stuff ready to bring with him when he picked me up after school.  It wasn't until we were arrived at the airport that I learned we were headed... Vegas.  

Yes ladies and gentlemen… my wonderful hubby planned a surprise 2 night getaway to Vegas.  

The plane ride there was full.  We were loading group C for Southwest (aka the last group) and lucked out to score aisle seats across from each other.  

We arrived in Vegas, picked up our rental car and headed to our hotel.  New York New York.  Hotel- smotel… this place was like a resort.  

By the time we were settled it was late, even in Vegas time.  So we took a peek around, grabbed some pizza, and then headed back to our room to plan our adventure for the next day.  All the planning must have exhausted Matt because he crashed hard.

We woke up early and headed to ihop.  (It was my first time ever- YUM!)  While we were there I got a text message from Matt…

It's hard to see, but there was a man in uniform a few tables over.

On to the Hoover Dam.  

We spent the morning here.  We walked across the dam bridge and I failed to get a "welcome to Arizona" sign picture.  We drove over the dam, looked for dam parking that didn't cost an arm and a leg, walked around the top of the dam, looked at the dam clocks (again failed to capture in picture), and literally walked between time zones.  We did not take the dam tour… 

Have the dam jokes gotten old yet?  Yes, we continued with them the entire time we were there… and we laughed every time.  

Hunger started to set in, so we hurried on our way to find food and then seek out our next destination: Valley of Fire state park.  

Valley of Fire is pretty nifty.  The rocks are a beautiful red clay and if you catch them when the sun is just right they live up to their name.  We spent some time hiking and pretending to be rock climbers here.  

The sand pile in-between my sneaks is the sand the I dumped OUT of my shoes after our hike back to Mouse's tank.  

We decided to wrap up our day and headed out of the park at sunset.  Pictures do not do it justice!!!

Our plans for the night included dinner, touring the strip, and trying our luck on the penny slots.  

Lesson learned… Vegas is not quite our cup of tea.  It was neat to see all the lights and nice to have had the experience but we won't be putting a stay on the Vegas strip on the top of our travel lists.  

You can't go to vegas without "pressing your luck"  and well given our luck this year we decided we should limit our luck pressing!  We headed to the penny slots under the agreement that we'd each play $1- just to say we did it… and if we won anything we had a friend who was going to benefit.  A few button pushes, some crazy lights and spinning that we didn't understand and we had 20¢.  I printed my ticket and called it a night… but… we forgot to get a picture… so I played another game that looked a bit more exciting.  because exciting means you'll win more One more dollar played… and Matt snapped a photo for your enjoyment.  

No, we didn't win anything else… $3 in… 20¢ out… sounds like winning to me.  We came, We played, We decided not to go broke!

This time I was the one who was beat.  Back to the room and I was soon fast asleep.  

Our second real day in Vegas was also our last.  We had a red eye home so we decided to make the most of the day.  Back to ihop for breakfast- it's a good thing there isn't one close to home! 

Pleasantly stuffed, we headed for:

The views in this place are breathtaking!!!  

Never before can I remember experiencing the sound of NOTHING.  No cars or trucks, running water, rustling of trees or wind blowing.  No animals making noise or even people.  It was absolutely silent.  

The little clicks are me moving… there is literally nothing to hear.

We also visited the lowest point in the USA.

Daylight was fading and our time "in Vegas" (which was really not spent in Vegas) was coming to a close.  We headed back towards the airport, but not before snapping 2 more pictures for you:

I was so glad to come home and see gas was $3.25/gallon.

Packed up and ready to go… we returned to Vegas, grabbed some food and an amazing smoothie from Tropical Smoothie Cafe, returned the rental car and then found our flight home.  

The flight home was an experience… but we made it home in one piece.

Men:  You wanna make your lady feel Loved?  Plan a getaway!  It doesn't have to be a crazy last minute trip to Vegas… something simple will do!  

Three states in two days with no real planning ahead made for an awesome time with the Love of my Life.  

Thank you Matt for making sure I know that I am Loved!!!

What a week...

I can't believe I disappeared for a week… well not completely… in my absence I have been working on crafting future posts to tell my story… they take a lot out of me so I write one day and then review later to make sure it really says what I want it to.
But the real reason for my absence is that 2013 continues to kick my rear end…. I am SO ready for this year to be over!  As if losing my son, an extremely difficult spot in my marriage, and resigning my job and ruining my chance on getting hired for the current school year (more on that later) weren't enough… We said good-bye to my old girl this weekend.

Meet Dutchess… She was my best furry friend this past year.  

We adopted Dutchess from Lab Rescue in September 2006.  She was our 2nd black lab- and she had BIG shoes to fill after having Jazzy.  The moment AFTER we committed to adopting her we learned she literally knew NOTHING about being a pet.  She had been a stray (the adoption event had info on each dog- her info said something along the lines of: Found as a stray.  Spayed and heart worm negative.- Other dogs had huge paragraphs… we picked the one who had zero info.)  She didn't know how to jump into the truck, how to walk on indoor floors, how to climb stairs… not to mention she knew nothing of basic commands like sit and stay. 

With a lot of love and work we turned her around as best we could.  The vet helped us determine that the spots on her ears that we were told were fly bites were really scars from dog fights… which explained why she NEVER liked other 4-legged creatures…. 

2.5 years into our lives with Dutchess- she had turned into a Daddy's girl and only slightly gray.  

Dutchy loved people- she thought anyone who came to visit was there to see her… we had to speak in code to use words like walk (klaw, stroll or tour),  food (doof), and ride (r-i-d-e) as they were all things that got her attention even when she was in the deepest of sleep.  The beach was one of her favorite places to visit even though she hated the water.  She was a snuggler and in her old age had started to enjoy "selfies." 

She was our side kick for sure!  Phil at our garage- Quality Service Center commented on more than one occasion that Dutchess reflected our personalities/expressions perfectly.  

We had noticed her getting very old- you can see the "gray beard"… she moved slower, her back legs working as one, slept longer, eating changed… we knew her time was coming… Last saturday she started going down hill quickly and late Monday night (at bedtime) she stopped eating (and the tears started flowing.)  Matt and I spent the night taking turns sleeping on the floor with her (she wouldn't jump into bed and refused to be picked up) and she snuggled us close!  In the morning she got up and wagged her tail for a few steps and then curled up on one of her favorite blankets.  We called the vet (that's a very hard call to make!) and carried her (all nestled in that blanket)… one last ride in the car to the vet… where we learned she had kidney failure.  They took her out of the room (after much hesitation from us) to put in an IV and she decided she needed to WALK back into the room to be with us… she walked in tail wagging and planted herself right next to Matt- all she wanted was to be with us.  We bawled!  We loved on her and said our goodbyes.  The vet said "I can tell she was a special pet."  No sir- she was a life saver during the hardest months of my life!  She was a big sister- we realized after we knew- that she knew I was pregnant much before we did… she was a best friend… she stuck around until she knew Matt and I had our stuff together.  I strongly believe there is a reason she went downhill a week AFTER we were baptized… 

Dutchess was a disaster… a slobbering, shedding disaster… but she LOVED us… and we LOVED her… she LOVED our friends… and you either loved her or couldn't wait for her to leave you alone… She made life interesting… and we now have quite a list of "requirements" for our next dog- most of them things we learned from dear Dutchess…

One thing is for sure… We loved Dutchess and we miss her terribly!  I hate coming home to a dog-less home!  

We are taking advantage of our dog free time… Matt took me on a spur of the moment overnight getaway- something that always had to plan well in advance so we had a dog sitter… I'm cleaning like crazy (and feel like I'm getting somewhere without a dog shedding over everything I clean) and we are making plans for bringing a new dog home.   

In the mean time… one last snapshot of my BFF (Best Furry Friend) and all of her fuzzy, squeaky friends…  

We Love You Dutcy and Miss you so very much!