I had it all wrong

Last week I talked about what kind of leader I wanted to be as I prepared for the Jcrew winter retreat... Which by the way Avalanche was awesome and will be getting its own post in the very near future!  

It's been a whirlwind of a week around our house.  I returned from avalanche, caught up on sleep, we had Clara spayed and her pearly whites got a cleaning, I've been on dog care duty (we managed to survive without a cone!), I worked a bit, Matt worked a lot, and then good things happened. ( more on that at a later date- no it's not a pregnancy announcement.)

This week is the wind down from the "high" of avalanche.  

You see- I'm not so convinced that the weekend was 100% for the kids.  I sure took a lot out of it!  

I've been following the #lcbcavalanche14 feed and today I saw a picture on Instagram from a leader who took some time to journal about the experience.  

(Insert a wave a guilt for not being as awesome about that.). The comment under the picture mirrored my thoughts about it not being all for the kids.  I didn't think much of it at the time...

But now... It's 12:45am... I teach in the morning... And my mind is alive...

I thought about my recent post... Thought about what my avalanche post would say... Started to evaluate what kind of leader I was... And then it hit me... The big 'ole smack upside the head that God has to give me once in a while...

I was so focused on what type of leader I wanted to be... I never stopped to listen to what type of a leader God wanted me to be.  Sure I prayed that God would make me a good leader.  That I would be a positive influence on the girls... What I should have been praying is for God to guide me to be the leader the girls needed me to be.  I should have been seeking God's guidance instead of making it into something I wanted.

And just to ensure that sleep would evade me for a good portion of the night... I realized that this should apply to ALL areas of my life.  To truly trust God, to really listen to Him- I need to be seeking his guidance in everything.  Not praying for or seeking what I want, but seeking God's will.   

Yea about that... Who needs sleep?!?

I am happy to say that I don't think I completely dropped the ball on being an awesome leader.  I think I did an all right job.  We had a lot of fun, I wasn't too mean or a wallflower, there were no lives to be saved... It was good.  If I had to grade myself: I'd have an average score.  Which means there's room for improvement... Because I want to be a great leader- and that will happen with some help from the man upstairs!  

What kind of leader am I?!?

My week has been full of snow and preparations for Avalanche.  Now I know that sounds like I'm preparing for a major snow emergency event- and in a way I am- but not really.  Avalanche is a weekend retreat for the 7th and 8th graders of LCBC's Jcrew.  With just shy of a foot of snow on the ground and temps well below freezing, I will be spending my upcoming weekend with kids who have stolen my heart.

When I signed up to be a Jcrew life group leader- I did it because I thought it would be a fun way to serve at LCBC.  I recalled my days in youth group and thought "yea I could be a kid again."  I figured it would be a good time... Never did I expect it to have the affect on me that it has.  I work with 7th and 8th grade girls.  I LOVE them!  Our mission in Jcrew is to demonstrate God's love to the kids,  tell and show them that God loves them, and make sure they know that they are Loved. (Period). 

Notice a connection to my blog name?  

It started off as fun.  Observing on Sunday mornings, getting to know some of the girls.  Then evening gatherings started and instead of observing- I was "running the show."  I hit the ground running!  Got to really begin to know the girls who regularly attend during "my gathering", helped out at the All-nighter, and had 2 different times that I got together with the girls outside of LCBC structured events.  It's been awesome!  I pray for my girls, check-in with them from time to time, and look forward to seeing them every week...

We started talking about winter retreats and I was all about going!  Retreats with youth group hold some of my greatest memories from the awkward middle school and high school years.  They played a vital role in keeping me out of trouble, strengthening friendships, helping me to grow as a person and at times allowing me to realize that I was important.  (I struggled with getting "lost" in my family because I was the "social" child.)

The closer avalanche gets- the more excited I get.  

Imagine how bad it's gotten since we got cabin assignments and additional leader info!!!

It hit me tonight... This is it... My first official chance to make a huge difference in these girl's lives.  

I started remembering the various youth leaders that were influential to me:

The "main pastor" who I'm pretty sure was just looking for a way to stay a kid- always wanting to have a good time.

The "camp mom" who was a camp counselor almost every year, loved us all but would disappear from regular events.

The "mean leaders" who insisted we follow every rule and then some.

The "life saver" who literally saved my life white water rafting and always had a way of making you feel like you mattered.

The "other youth pastor" who also wanted to be a kid but who also spoke the harsh realities and truths.

The "wallflowers" who I know were there but I couldn't even tell you who they were- they just stood by and filled in as needed.

** disclaimer both youth pastors mentioned above did a great job of sharing the word of God.  And both were parents of my friends.  I created the list based on what stood out first when I thought of these people.**

I realized now was my chance to create a name for myself... How did I want to be remembered?  

I thought about it- and got distracted thinking I should shoot a message to the life saver sometime letting them know the difference they made and continue to make in my life- once back on track I decided...

I want to be a combination of them all (excluding the wall flower and mean ones). 

I want to be the leader that is a big kid at heart, who makes everyone feel like they matter and are loved.  I want to be stable- consistently there.  Someone who the girls feel they can turn to when they need support, guidance or just a friend.  I want to be honest- I have not lived a "perfect Christian life"- I want them to be able to learn from mistakes I've made.  I want to be an example- not just say follow these rules but show how it's done and why it's better not to break them.  I want to help create memories that will last a life time.  

My goal for the weekend is to have an awesome time.  I hope I can meet my hopes for the type of leader I want to be... And if I fall short I hope the girls will see Gods love for them through me.  

Also- I'm really hoping for an opportunity to top what is quite possibly the greatest camp prank I have ever been a part of... Youth pastors choose your words wisely- when you tell us to leave the chairs alone... You just might find each chair all alone around camp!

Hello 2014!

It's finally here!  I have looked forward to kicking out 2013 … it was a less than kind year to Matt and I.  There are things that I will always treasure from 2013-  TJ, Matt, our marriage, friendships and lots of personal growth.  Just the same there are things that happened in 2013 that I hope and pray I never happen to our family again!

The last few hours of 2013 were awesome!  We had a small, low-key gathering at our house.  Lots of food, friends and laughter.  One of the best New Year's Eve celebrations I've ever had.
2014 started off with a kiss from my Love, a reminder that our angel was with us (check out the video below) and the realization that Clara was MIA… I had accidentally closed her in the bedroom.  She was just chillin' on the other side of the door waiting to return to being everyone's BFF.  Our friends left, we cleaned up, and went to bed- happy to have started 2014 on a good note.

Matt and I picked this ornament as TJ's ornament this year- it's solar powered… I love looking over and seeing it creating a snow angel- it's not always moving… but when it does its a sweet reminder that my angel is near.

Now for the "traditional" New Year's post.

Get Busy Living is a great blog that I've followed for a while few years. (yikes!)  My friend Jess writes an awesomely inspirational blog and has a great theme for her New Years posts.  I'm stealing her theme (Thanks Jess!)   and sharing it with you all in hopes of finding a successful 2014.

To start off… my word of the year is:  HOPE 

I have high hopes for 2014… and the fresh start of a new year is giving me hope for good things to come.  I'm looking forward to seeing what ways HOPE appears in my life this year.

A long time ago I made a resolution to not make anymore New Year's resolutions- I've done a great job of keeping it!!!  Jess doesn't make resolutions… she sets Goals!  I like this idea- something to strive for as opposed to saying "I will do this" and then when you fall of the wagon you don't bother to get back on.
So here goes…

My Goals for 2014:

• Workout 3-4 times a week
• Drop 50 lbs (and keep it off)
• Return to healthier eating habits
• Maintain a red-up house (that's Nan speak for clean and tidy)
• Become more organized
• Get rid of clutter/junk
• "Be Rich" 2 times a month
• Daily devotional time
• Be a better wife

My Dreams for 2014: 

 (Because these things require effort on my part but ultimately are not completely in my control)

• Get a permanent teaching job
• Buy a house
• Have a baby

I share all of this with you so that I have some accountability.  My goals will require a lot of hard work on my part… 

I'm off to a decent start… I've got workout #2 for the year complete, the house is still clean and tidy, my car is packed with "junk" to donate (2 tubs of clothing, books, purses, shoes and some home goods), and devotional for the day is happening before bed.  Let's see if I can keep it up!

How about you?  Do you have a word of the year?  What goals did you create for yourself?