Rainy Wednesday

It's been a while… I have a few posts that have been sitting in cue (including one from the beach- YIKES!) that I should really just edit and post… but tonight I offer you some insight into the randomness filling my brain on this rainy evening.

As has become the norm for my life- today was anything but what I expected it to be… I was supposed to wake up, handle some necessary bill paying, wash wallpaper glue off some walls, do some laundry, play with Clara, go to dinner with friends and take care of some chores around the house.
Necessary bill paying required a trip to my parents to use their fax machine (YAY property taxes!)… while I was there my mom asked me to go with her to visit my Aunt.  My Aunt has spent the better part of the last 2 weeks at my Uncle's side as he battles cancer in the hospital.  I quickly decided that wallpaper glue could just spend another day or two as the decor of my powder room and jumped in the car for a visit…

I'm no stranger to cancer and the effects it has on people… I saw is slowly take life from my Pap and I watched my Mom Kick Cancer's butt!!!  I know it's not kind- and I know the helpless feeling as you just sit there and watch and wait and realize all you can do is Pray.

I thought we were going to offer a some hugs and a few minutes of friendly faces for my Aunt.
This was a good afternoon- vitals were favorable (YAY no fever!) and we got a short visit with my Uncle.  At first I was struck with how he looked like Pap, even though my Uncle married into the family.  His hair color had changed after chemo treatment, and he had traded in his standard golf polo for a pair of flannel PJ's.  My Uncle had always been a pillar of strength in the family- to see him in such a frail state was a challenge, even though I thought I was prepared.
It didn't take long for some of his old spirit to appear!  We walked a few laps with him around the floor.  Lap 1 was met with cheers from the nurses- that brought smiles as we walked.  Lap 2 he was still feeling good…
Lap 3 brought a flashback of childhood memories.

Side note:  My Aunt and Uncle always hosted family Easter gatherings.   This always includes an Easter egg hunt.  You can't have an easter egg hunt with my family without properly warming up.  Warm up exercises are always led by my Uncle.  It's normally quite the sight  and a tradition I missed this year!

As we rounded the corner to start lap 3 my Uncle announced, "This is a nice straight away.  Stretch the legs.  Nice deep breaths.  This feels good!"  I giggled.  I pictured a room filled with kiddos taking lunging steps with him, preparing to find All the Eggs.  

Lap 4 was a battle of wills- he wanted to keep going… my Aunt thought 4 was enough for now and Mom agreed.  So we returned to the room.  

I spent a few minutes talking with him.  He asked how I was liking LCBC.  We talked about my involvement with Jcrew and camp. He smiled.  Then he asked about Matt.  The smile on his face grew as I shared that Matt was also involved and loving LCBC.  He was happy to hear that we had found a church where we could be involved and grow.  Yay for being able to provide a bit of non-medical brightness to a rather dreary day.

We said our goodbyes and headed for home.  

The chores never happened… the glue is still on the wall… I did do a load of laundry and spent some time playing with Clara… and I paid a few bills… dinner with friends was traded for a stop in to see the hubby at work and refuel him with some iced coffee…

For a not very productive day, I was beat, but it was so worth it!

 And now I need to get some rest because this chic is taking a van full of kids to "The Sweetest Place on Earth" tomorrow!

Snow day randomness

You know how sometimes I set off to do one thing and it turns out to be totally different but equally as good???
This started off as a confessions post… but I discovered that there wasn't really confessing happening so much as random thoughts so… enjoy some snow day randomness and look for some exciting news at the end…

• I love the scarf look that is so popular right now.  However, I struggle to find scarves that are long enough to not look awkward on me.  (Scarf lengths are improving so this problem is becoming less of an issue.)  My mom took me birthday shopping and we found some great outfits that needed a scarf to complete the look.  We couldn't bring ourselves to spend almost $30 for an accessory… so I decided to see if I could "knit" my own scarf.  One my my Avalanche girls "finger knit" an infinity scarf on the bus… I gave it a try…
  

Needless to say- it's a bit on the thin side… success on making it-- fail on the finished product!

• Mornings and I do not get along.  Genetically I'm a night owl.  Over the past few years I've come to learn to love a brief portion of the morning.  On days that Matt works- I get up to make him breakfast and pack his lunch.  I like knowing that it's something simple that I can do to get his day off to a smooth start.  His mornings start early (he's up at 4am and out the door before 5) so I head back to bed for a little more sleep before I begin my day 'cause me and 4 am don't agree.
• Word of advice- If you have a dog who LOVES snow… don't schedule surgery (especially fixing your female dog) in the middle of winter.  All cute Clara wants to do is jump in the snow piles and chase snowflakes.  I have to be mean mom and take her out on a leash and limit her to "business only."  Learn from my mistake- avoid being the mean mom!
• Heard in my neighborhood today while taking the dog out… "I just need to get my car to Queen Street and I'll be fine."  2 hours later and his Sion XB has yet to get out of the cul-de-sac!  I'm resisting the urge to tell the guy to just go back inside.
• Flappy birds… GRRR… my Jcrew girls introduced me this game…talk about addicting and frustrating… 
• Exciting news:  I am a short term substitute in a 2nd grade classroom for 12 weeks and I start on Friday!!!  I'm really looking forward to the opportunity to be back in the a classroom as more than a day to day substitute!  Here's hoping we can get a day of school in before that time so I can observe the teacher before I take over.  

On that note- I'm going to try to be a little productive on my snow day… Trying to find my desk in the extra room.

How are you spending your snow day?  How much snow did you get?

What Happens in Vegas…

… gets posted on my blog!

You wanna talk about feeling LOVED!?!

After our trip to Punta Cana and then the loss of TJ, Matt and I decided we wanted to try to travel to see as much of the country as possible.  That adventure began with a trip "out west" to visit Rocky Mountain National Park in Colorado, Devil's Tower in Wyoming, and the Minute Man Missile Silo, Wall Drug, the Badlands, Mt. Rushmore and Custer State Park in South Dakota.  It was a great week!!!

We'd mentioned on more than one occasion that we could fly to Las Vegas for cheap and see some more sights in that area… but no plans were ever made…

Our bumpy ride of 2013 continued when Dutchess reached her last days and we found ourselves without a canine companion to consider which allowed a DC getaway to happen.  We came home from that weekend without a dog and headed into the week.

I had a 2 day sub job lined up for Monday and Tuesday… Monday was a great day of teaching Math and Social Studies.  I left school excited to come back to the same classroom the next day.  I called Matt on my way home (he was working night work) and he asked me a few questions about things on the schedule later in the week and then informed me that I needed to pack a bag for 2 nights in a destination that was someplace sunny and 75.    

WOAH.  

Stuff like that never happens to me.  

Spontaneous getaways… hubby taking charge of travel plans… (ok in his defense he does normally book the beach house that we find together- but I planned both the Punta Cana and out west trips.) I did my best to pack- what do you pack when you don't know where you are going?!?  

Tuesday morning I headed to school and freaked out made sure Matt had all my stuff ready to bring with him when he picked me up after school.  It wasn't until we were arrived at the airport that I learned we were headed... Vegas.  

Yes ladies and gentlemen… my wonderful hubby planned a surprise 2 night getaway to Vegas.  

The plane ride there was full.  We were loading group C for Southwest (aka the last group) and lucked out to score aisle seats across from each other.  

We arrived in Vegas, picked up our rental car and headed to our hotel.  New York New York.  Hotel- smotel… this place was like a resort.  

By the time we were settled it was late, even in Vegas time.  So we took a peek around, grabbed some pizza, and then headed back to our room to plan our adventure for the next day.  All the planning must have exhausted Matt because he crashed hard.

We woke up early and headed to ihop.  (It was my first time ever- YUM!)  While we were there I got a text message from Matt…

It's hard to see, but there was a man in uniform a few tables over.

On to the Hoover Dam.  

We spent the morning here.  We walked across the dam bridge and I failed to get a "welcome to Arizona" sign picture.  We drove over the dam, looked for dam parking that didn't cost an arm and a leg, walked around the top of the dam, looked at the dam clocks (again failed to capture in picture), and literally walked between time zones.  We did not take the dam tour… 

Have the dam jokes gotten old yet?  Yes, we continued with them the entire time we were there… and we laughed every time.  

Hunger started to set in, so we hurried on our way to find food and then seek out our next destination: Valley of Fire state park.  

Valley of Fire is pretty nifty.  The rocks are a beautiful red clay and if you catch them when the sun is just right they live up to their name.  We spent some time hiking and pretending to be rock climbers here.  

The sand pile in-between my sneaks is the sand the I dumped OUT of my shoes after our hike back to Mouse's tank.  

We decided to wrap up our day and headed out of the park at sunset.  Pictures do not do it justice!!!

Our plans for the night included dinner, touring the strip, and trying our luck on the penny slots.  

Lesson learned… Vegas is not quite our cup of tea.  It was neat to see all the lights and nice to have had the experience but we won't be putting a stay on the Vegas strip on the top of our travel lists.  

You can't go to vegas without "pressing your luck"  and well given our luck this year we decided we should limit our luck pressing!  We headed to the penny slots under the agreement that we'd each play $1- just to say we did it… and if we won anything we had a friend who was going to benefit.  A few button pushes, some crazy lights and spinning that we didn't understand and we had 20¢.  I printed my ticket and called it a night… but… we forgot to get a picture… so I played another game that looked a bit more exciting.  because exciting means you'll win more One more dollar played… and Matt snapped a photo for your enjoyment.  

No, we didn't win anything else… $3 in… 20¢ out… sounds like winning to me.  We came, We played, We decided not to go broke!

This time I was the one who was beat.  Back to the room and I was soon fast asleep.  

Our second real day in Vegas was also our last.  We had a red eye home so we decided to make the most of the day.  Back to ihop for breakfast- it's a good thing there isn't one close to home! 

Pleasantly stuffed, we headed for:

The views in this place are breathtaking!!!  

Never before can I remember experiencing the sound of NOTHING.  No cars or trucks, running water, rustling of trees or wind blowing.  No animals making noise or even people.  It was absolutely silent.  

The little clicks are me moving… there is literally nothing to hear.

We also visited the lowest point in the USA.

Daylight was fading and our time "in Vegas" (which was really not spent in Vegas) was coming to a close.  We headed back towards the airport, but not before snapping 2 more pictures for you:

I was so glad to come home and see gas was $3.25/gallon.

Packed up and ready to go… we returned to Vegas, grabbed some food and an amazing smoothie from Tropical Smoothie Cafe, returned the rental car and then found our flight home.  

The flight home was an experience… but we made it home in one piece.

Men:  You wanna make your lady feel Loved?  Plan a getaway!  It doesn't have to be a crazy last minute trip to Vegas… something simple will do!  

Three states in two days with no real planning ahead made for an awesome time with the Love of my Life.  

Thank you Matt for making sure I know that I am Loved!!!

Let's be real- confession time

Let's take a minute (or 3) and be real… cause truth be told- I'm a real person and real people don't lead clean, perfectly organized lives… One of my favorite things about LCBC is that they know that life is messy!  And if you read the condensed version of my story you can see… my. life. is. messy.  (Still working on the additional parts of my story- writing about  your mess isn't easy!)
I've been working on trying to face some of that mess head on… sometimes it's by working through something I'm struggling with or facing a trigger…. today it's going to be by throwing out some of the messy truths of my life and mixing some fun randomness in as well….

Confession:  After holding my own child- a breathing, kicking, beautiful little boy- in my arms… I can not wait for the day that I have another baby of my own to hold.  Enough so that each month when I discover I'm not pregnant- I cry… and not just a few tears… it's a full out bawl- from the bottom of my heart… you know- the ugly cry… the kind you want no one to see… and that leaves you exhausted afterwards.

Confession:  I may have a small problem with shoes… I own 50 pairs… I can probably count on my fingers the number I have worn with any purpose in the last year… sadly most of the 50 pairs are either old navy flip flops or shoes that I have had since the pre-Matt days… I think I need to do some closet purging.

Confession:  When I got married I thought I knew who would be the Godmother of my children- someone who was like a sister to me… unfortunately that person has failed to even acknowledge that TJ existed… The days I needed her most it was too inconvenient for her to be there… to stay with Dutchess the night after TJ was born- so that Matt could be by my side in the hospital as I recovered from labor and serious infection… the day we celebrated TJ's life- because being uncomfortable with death is a reason to skip out on a few minutes of remembering and celebrating a child… I lack the words to even accurately describe the hurt- and I'm not sure how to even begin to heal the wounds left by this.

Confession:  I LOVE Clara… don't get me wrong- I miss Dutchess- she was my best friend during the hardest days of my life… but life with Clara is AMAZING.  She is almost perfect. (stay, come and life off a leash need some polishing yet) This dog is social, runs, and loves to just be with us.  She provides such simple joys like running on the rail trail, visits to grandmas and my fair share of space in bed… all things life with Dutchess lacked- at least lacked when Dutchess was involved.

Confession:  I need a gym buddy.  2 years ago an awesome friend helped Matt and I get "unfat"- neither of us had hit our goal- but we were well on our way and it felt amazing… and then life got crazy- I held my own for a while… managing not to pack the pounds back on… but that didn't last long… I'm not back up to where I was when I first started the adventure but it's getting scarily close… I worked so hard to find skinny… go so close… and let it all go… I desperately want to get skinny back.

Confession:  I am an emotional eater.  When I'm feeling crappy- horrible food soothes my soul… for a few minutes anyway… wanna know how I am feeling?  Watch me eat… care to know how the week is going?  look in my fridge… I would love to get back to the point where I go to the gym when I'm feeling down- but I HATE working out alone.  and honestly I'm still at a point where some days I don't want the world to see me- to see what the mess of life has turned me into… so instead of going to the gym- I stay home and eat…

Confession: Candy Crush… I'm addicted! It was a game I played while pregnant, especially for the week I was on bed rest.  I'd conquer levels as TJ kicked away… it was a mindless game that passed the hours when I was alone… now it's something that occupies my brain just enough to keep me from falling into darkness… I play and my mind is transferred back to a week where all I worried about was "baking my baby" for as long as possible…

Tell me one of your confessions… maybe it will free your mind!

Old School Blogging

My Feedly feed (the app I use to follow blogs) is filled with Old School Blogging posts… so I decided I'm jumping on the bandwagon.
Credit goes to my friend Jess at Get Busy Living who not only blogged old school today, but provided the connection to several other blogs that went old school.
If you want an amazingly inspiring blog to follow- I strongly recommend checking Jess's out.  This girl's strength is incredible!  She has been a huge inspiration to me in many aspects of life and is one of the people responsible for Matt and I attending LCBC.  She has quite the story to tell and is just an awesome person!

Now about old school blogging… take a trip back to the days of instant messenger, myspace and Facebook notes… You know (unless you are a youngin') where you answered a list of questions and then told people they had to take the same "quiz."  Most of these lists has the same basic questions in different variations.  Enjoy!

• Where's your cell phone? Hidden under the dog who is sleeping next to me.
• Your significant other-  Matt.  We've been through thick and thin… to hell and back… and I love this man to death.  I can not wait to see what the remainder of our life together holds!
• Your hair- desperately needs some attention from Coby (my hair stylist)… I haven't had it cut since June.
• Your Mom- is often blamed for many things that I inherited from her… the most often include turning into a bear when I'm hungry and my love to travel.
• Your Father- has been an amazing help during the trials of the last 7 months… he provided infinite wisdom from a medical standpoint during my pregnancy complications and he helped Matt and I burry our old girl, Dutchess. 
• My favorite thing- God tops the list!  If you told me it had to be something I could physically hold in my hands to show you… it would vary depending on the day- my wedding ring and TJ necklace are the best second place
• A dream from last night-  I don't remember any dreams from the past few nights other than the ever popular "falling dream"  which I never remember what was happening- I just jolt awake and take forever to fall back asleep.
• Favorite Drink- Water is my drink of choice… however I occasionally get strong cravings for Perrydell chocolate milk or orange drink
• Your dream/goal- to have rainbow children and my own classroom
• The room you are in- living room- it's tiny and a bit messy… I was crafting tonight (blog about that coming soon!)
• Your "ex"- Matt and I have been together for almost 10 years (Dec 22) so my ex is from my way past… Jeremy- the guy I dated in college before I met Matt… he is now dating the girl who was one of my best friends in college.  She didn't like him when I dated him- how funny is that.
• Your fears: losing another baby, Matt leaving me, snakes
• Where do you want to be in six years? (this answer is probably the same as it would have been 10 years ago) living in my own house, with a family (children) and a job teaching.
• Where were you last night? LCBC for Jcrew and then packing up Operation Christmas Child Boxes… then I came home to snuggle with the pup.
• What are you not? Innocent… this past year I lost a lot of innocence I didn't even know I had… I wish I had it back- but I am now very much aware of things that can & do go wrong in life that no one wants to talk about.
• Muffins? I don't do muffins generally- unless you count a cupcake that I've licked the icing off of.
• One of your wish list items- a house
• Where you grew up- York PA… I've lived within a 15 minute drive of my childhood home for all but the first 2 years of my life.
• The last thing you did- wrote a future blog post.
• What are you wearing?  Ahh- remember when the goal was to be as cute as possible with this answer? (or maybe it was as suggestive as possible) Sorry guys- jeans and a hoodie- super exciting.
• Your TV- has provided background noise tonight since Matt is working… 
• Your pets- Clara… a yellow lab.  
• Your computer- A Macbook Pro that was a Chrsitmas gift last year to use for my teaching job… one day I'll tell ya about how that didn't really work.  (but I Love my macbook!)
• Your life- has been a mess… is taking a new shape… is nothing what I expected it would be at 30 years old…
• Your mood-  kinda blah… it's just me and the dog tonight… I'm in a weird place- not awesome but not awful… just kinda meh
• Missing someone? Everyday for the rest of my life!  
• Your Car- Darcy… a 2003 Saturn Vue…. I love my car.
• Something you are not wearing- socks
• Favorite store- Ikea, Kohls, Target… depends on what I'm shopping for
• Your Summer- Last summer is a blur… hoping this coming summer has GREAT things in store…
• Like someone? There are lots of people I like… do I have a crush/like someone- just my hubby!
• Your favorite color- Blue (although I do like me some pink)
• When was the last time you laughed- earlier today… I asked Matt- WTF?!?  **Disclaimer Matt made a face in response to something I said… see image below…
• Last time you cried- Earlier today… I'll refrain from going off on a rant about what caused it
• Who will repost this?  LOL  

Maybe one day I'll look back and find one of these survey blogs things and post it providing the "then and now" answers.