Here's where you will get a little more detail.
Almost 10 years ago (December 21, 2003 to be exact) Matt and I went on a first date. We ate at Ruby Tuesday- I ordered ribs and was a mess! Yet he decided he wanted the date to continue... so we did some last minute Christmas shopping and drove around looking at Christmas lights. I drove his truck and at one point he said something that caused me to respond, "Who says that!?!" and then remain silent for a while... after a few minutes he started to worry and texted me something about our "first date"- that broke the silence as I said "first date- you think there's going to be more than one?" We laughed and that was the beginning of us. After many years of dating we got engaged (no overly romantic story here) on Christmas Morning 2007.
Matt and I were married on May 9, 2009. It was a beautiful day- perfect in every possible way! (Maybe one day I'll tell you about how truly perfect it was...)
About a year after we were married I got the itch to go back to school to finish my Elementary Education degree. I started off as a part time student and continued to work full time. Eventually I was presented with a part-time job opportunity that would allow me to go back to school full time. Thankfully my hard working hubby was willing to work extra hard to support us as I pursued my dream. As I approached my final semester/student teaching, Matt expressed a desire to obtain his paramedic certification which meant school for him as well. He worked full time and part time and went to school... I worked part time and went to school full time and had bunches of field experience hours... but we managed to make our schedules work.
Then entered student teaching... If you think teachers work 9-5 M-F and have their summers off... just ask Matt about my student teaching... On days that I didn't have class I left the house at 7:30 and returned home around 6 each night... Thursdays were my late night- and I'd get home sometime after 11... and then that one night a week I had class I would get home around 9:30... every night I brought work home with me- and it wasn't homework from class... I LOVED every minute of being in the classroom, grading papers, creating lessons- being a teacher... but it put a strain on Matt and I spending time together.
Student teaching ended and Matt was full swing in paramedic school... he was now working his "real" job, his part time job, going to class, and completing close to 25 clinical hours a week on average... so I suddenly had time to spend with him but he now carried the crazy schedule...
I graduated... he graduated... our schedules calmed down... you would think life would be great...
It wasn't- we had lost our ability to connect the way we used to... It was rough... I knew I still loved him.... but he started to have doubts because we just struggled to get our groove back.
It felt like the harder I tried to get things working again in our marriage... the farther we grew apart...
In a desperate attempt to save "US", I asked Matt to go with me to Punta Cana, Dominican Republic (DR) for a vacation at an all-inclusive and to consider marriage counseling.
We went to the DR and had a decent time- we relaxed and we able to laugh a little... while we were there I got a call that I had an interview for a long term teaching position and I started to notice things were just a little "different" for me (aka my boobs hurt.) We got home on a Wednesday. I interviewed and landed the job on Thursday. Friday I found out I was pregnant. (stay tuned for more details in part 3.)
I nervously shared the news with Matt- who looked more scared than excited.... I would later learn that this was because he was preparing to leave me as he had felt life was completely unraveling for him and that was the only way out. But Matt is a good man- he didn't want to walk out on his now pregnant wife and destroy any chance of our baby having an intact family. With news of a baby on the way- we continued to work on our marriage... and fell into a holding pattern of barely surviving.
Enter January 24, 2013 (for the next 2 months I would say it was the worst day of my life.) I got a phone call from a random number... it was Matt telling me he had been in a serious accident- he was ok but needed to go to the hospital and I was NOT to go to the scene- which was only minutes from our house. I started to FREAK OUT- I called my mom to come drive me as I was in no condition to be operating a vehicle. And then made phone calls to every person I could to get details. THANK GOD Matt called me FIRST... on the way to the hospital I learned that it was bad... and once I was by my dear hubby's side- I learned he had rolled across 83 hit the center median and then back across. Counting my blessings that he was laying in a bed talking to me, I sat in a chair by his side and waited for them to take him for a few last tests to rule out serious injury. As we waited- he shared news with me that would shatter my world... (this is where I learned of his desire to leave prior to the pregnancy development) the room was spinning as he was wheeled away for tests and I reassured him that I would be waiting for him when he returned. His tests came back all clear and my mom drove us home. I got Matt settled at home and my mom stuck around to make sure I was okay... It was in this time that I had the most shameful moments of my life. I didn't know what to do- I didn't want to hurt… I wanted to protect myself...I wanted to run. In that moment my mom gave me the best advice she has ever given... She told me I needed to step up and be the wife I vowed to be. She refused to take me with her- despite my begging- so I went back to caring for Matt. It was the lowest of the low days thus far...
The ride to marriage "recovery" was long, bumpy, and emotional... but I stuck it out... because when I looked at Matt all I could see was a man who I loved deeply- and that man was the father of my baby.
2 weeks before our pregnancy complications developed, we learned of friends who lost their sweet little girl. It hit us both hard as they were due just 3 days after us. This ignited a fire in Matt and overnight things started to drastically change for us. Our relationship was on the mend... we had lived in survival mode for so long that even the smallest improvements felt monumental... Little did we know that we desperately needed those 2 weeks of growth so we could face what was to come.
Our complications became known and for the first time in a long time- I felt like I had my husband back in full force. He was amazing every step of the way during my week long hospital stay! I stopped doubting our future together as I could tell his heart was back in the game.
Together we faced the best and worst day of our lives.
April 13, 2013.
Meeting out precious little boy and saying goodbye to him all in a matter of minutes. I can not imagine having to do that without my husband by my side. In the days and weeks after losing TJ we relied on each other, we were each other's source of comfort and strength... and we continued to repair our marriage and grow together.
I'd had lingering concerns that things would fall apart again- nothing that was substantiated- just my own silly insecurities getting the best of me. Those were all laid to rest the day we got baptized... hearing Matt's story read to the church- hearing him declare his love for me and his love for Jesus... those insecurities started to melt away... and after getting dunked he turned to me and Kissed me... for everyone to see- I was his wife, the one he wanted to be with and he was letting the world know.
While I wish I could say we have a perfect marriage now- I cannot. We still have our moments where we hit a rocky spot... but we work through it together... we face life together.... and I can't think of any one else I'd rather have by my side!!!
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