Roller-coaster

I may or may not have started to sing Love Rollercoaster by the Red Hot Chili Peppers as I typed that… yes I'm old!   As I googled to find the video I discovered that Luke Bryan has a "Roller Coaster" as well… yea, I'm old! Anyway…
Life is a roller coaster.  You know that- it has it's ups and downs…
I LOVE a good roller coaster!
We try to hit Hershey Park every year.  It's close to home and has some great rides so it makes for a fun day trip.  If you're familiar with Hershey Park you know they have some classic wooden roller coasters- the Commit, the Wildcat, Lightning Racer- lost of ups and downs… a few sharp turns- very much like life.  Even the Super Dooper Looper kinda falls into this category…  And then there are the more "extreme" coasters…. think Great Bear, Fahrenheit, Storm Runner and Sky Rush- intense, fast, twists, turns, loops, rolls… barely recovering from one thrill before the next one begins…
That's where I'm at.  That's been my life for the past year and a half.  I've had a few breaks- you know long enough to reload the car- but it's been constant- I'm not allowed to get off... There's no break... No end in sight...
You know about TJ and a challenging point in our marriage… these things don't just go away overnight.  Tyler will forever be in my daily thoughts.  Our marriage continues to heal but it still has bumps just like any marriage.
What has been hidden from the picture is what is now our current journey.  Unfortunately, this part of our journey is kind of consuming.  I'm sure some people look at us and think it is defining us.  (I challenge you to find one couple who is walking our path who isn't the same way.)  This part of the ride revolves around almost 5 years of trying to get pregnant… and while that is 5 years total of trying… we do not have a house full of children.  When you try for that long and desire to have children as strongly as Matt and I do you turn to medical experts.  We were ready to head down this road when we found out we were pregnant with TJ- a shock to everyone.  Since we had a history that included a long wait- we decided to turn to the experts after 6 months of trying post TJ.
After 2 months of testing we learned that I have some issues.  Issues that explain so many other things I've been struggling with…. like losing weight…. Hi- I have a condition that makes it extremely difficult to lose weight, causes you to gain weight by simply looking at food (or so it seems) and the best way to "manage" it is to lose weight.  HAHAHA- I'm not laughing.  Anyway… Matt got the thumbs up… I have issues… Doctor creates a plan.
This plan involves lots of blood work and ultrasounds… and by lots I mean a good 8-12 a month minimum.  The appointments for these "tests" occur at 7am and at that hour it's at least a 75 minute drive- yes a good hour and 15 minutes ONE WAY!  The "month" begins and a test clears me to start taking appropriate meds to make my body do what it's supposed to do and doesn't.  A few days after the medicine starts I have to go for daily tests to see how my body is responding.  Once everything gets its act together it's procedure time… That means that Matt and I both have to coordinate schedules to be there- and unfortunately my body likes to make this as challenging as possible.  Matt works for 24 hours at a time- which means if we get the green light- Matt has to find a way to make his work schedule accommodate our procedure- it's not always easy!
Then there's the 2 week wait.  2 weeks of nothing but waiting to find out if this month we've had success.. 2 VERY SLOW weeks… 2 weeks of questioning every little cramp or twinge, questioning if my boobs really hurt- and if it's pregnancy hurt or period hurt… 2 weeks of walking past the home pregnancy tests and fighting every urge to buy them all in hopes of getting an answer a day sooner…. 2 weeks that end with a "Beta test" and the phone call.
The amount of stress involved with this process is indescribable.  It alters my ability to take sub jobs… it's a lot of driving… it takes all of the fun out of "trying"  and the desire for a child out weighs the challenges of this process.
Ask anyone who has undergone fertility treatment with a specialist- it's so much more than taking a pill to fix the problem… I never had a clue how involved the process was until we entered it.  And each month is a roller coaster in and of itself… a roller coaster within the roller coaster of life… it's intense…
And it effects every aspect of life.  Chances are you know someone who is going through fertility treatments… maybe they've been a little bit more on edge the past few months… rather then get annoyed- offer them some words of encouragement or a listening ear- I bet you will see a moment of relief on their face.